


I’m Not Done

by InnocentDumpling



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Trauma, Drama, Emotional Baggage, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Heartache, Hurt/Comfort, Pregnancy, Romance, Trauma, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:08:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24992056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InnocentDumpling/pseuds/InnocentDumpling
Summary: Shikamaru and Temari have their first argument as a newly married couple. Distance, work and family expectations all weighed down on the pair of them. But what Temari had not anticipated was the pressure that would befall her once they got married. To put it simply, children.  [AU / Canon Divergence] [ShikaTema]
Relationships: Nara Shikamaru/Temari
Comments: 14
Kudos: 53
Collections: Innocent Dumpling's Naruto Collection





	I’m Not Done

**Author's Note:**

> This one-shot has been created for ShikaTema Week 2020 - Day 7, Free Day.

She knew going into the relationship that nothing would be easy. Distance, work and family expectations all weighed down on the pair of them. But what Temari had not anticipated was the pressure that would befall her once they got married. To put it simply, children. The topic came up countless times over the course of their courtship by the meddling exterior forces, always seeking to gain control of their very existence. But until recently the topic has not been touched by herself or Shikamaru, for which she had been thankful.  
  
The concept of giving the man she loves a child was not a horrifying one. In fact, it was quite the opposite. Merely thinking about carrying their child filled her with so much warmth and happiness that she felt as if her heart might burst. Bringing a pure little soul into the world would be perhaps the highlight of her life to date. But it was the things that followed that caused her insurmountable levels of distress; giving birth and motherhood. Both fears stemming from deep-rooted trauma from her upbringing, or lack thereof.  
  
Shikamaru raised the topic for the first time the day prior and Temari skilfully evaded it; but today he was intent on procuring an answer to his seemingly harmless question. “So how many kids should we have?” His question was kind, full of love and very smooth as he always was when tackling topics of a romantic nature. It hurt to answer him knowing what it was she had to say. Every fibre of her being screamed out in the hope that she would reconsider before shattering his dream.  
  
“I don’t want to be a mother,” Temari responds at last, causing her husband’s mischievous smile to disappear from his lips as the last syllable trailed from her own. For the hours that followed they bickered back and forth, never getting to the root of the issue, just going around and around in circles. He simply couldn’t understand, and she stubbornly refused to elaborate further. Their emotions were almost as high as the impenetrable wall she had built around her the instant his smile vanished. It was difficult to recall the last time she felt so distraught.  
  
It was clear what he needed in order to process her answer. The full truth. But it was the one thing she wanted to avoid discussing at all costs. Not due to any suspicious reason, although she assumed that he might be exploring that hideous avenue of thought. No, it was simply out of self-preservation from an emotional standpoint. The wounds of her childhood ran deep, as did the associated anxiety.  
  
Her parents were a topic she avoided with the greatest precision over the years they had been together. It was almost second nature at this point. That chapter of her life was over, and if she could keep that rattling door sealed shut, she would do so at all costs. It was not a path she sought to gain a deeper understanding of like Gaara. It hurt far too much and reaped far too little of a reward.  
  
Fists clench at Temari’s sides as she takes a deep breath. Her heart once filled with love was bursting with nothing but anxiety as she gazes up at her husband. As always, his annoyingly handsome face stared down at her from above, frustration marking his features as his brows pinched together.  
  
“For fuck’s sake, what aren’t you telling me?” Shikamaru whispers hoarsely, hands gripping her arms as he peered down at her. His dark eyes quivering as he stared down at his wife, her gaze averting. It hurt. What should’ve been such a simple conversation between them was now the source of what was without a doubt, the most painful argument that their relationship had endured thus far.  
  
Swallowing hard, Shikamaru loosens his grip on her arms, a sigh slipping from his lips as his brain goes into overdrive. Nothing about it made sense. “I don’t get it, why are you only telling me that you don’t want children now? You didn’t think this was worth telling me before we got married months ago?” he asks bluntly, voice straining as the words rolled off the tip of his tongue. _I can’t believe I’m even having this conversation. She never mentioned this before. Not once!_ His mind cries out in frustration, heart palpitating so hard he could feel the pulse dance up in his throat as he looked upon Temari’s downcast visage.  
  
Her lips tremble and part for a moment, silence befalling the pair as she presses her cushioned tiers together once more. She didn’t owe him an explanation. Her decision was final. Why couldn’t he respect that and leave well enough alone? She exhales, eyes drifting up to his face once more, hot tears spilling down her cheeks as she took in his heartbroken expression. Only a few years back she’d made a silent vow to never cause him to make such an expression. In hindsight perhaps it was foolish to believe such a feat was possible given the turbulent nature of life.  
  
 _I’m sorry. I thought that maybe I could do this,_ she muses silently as she shook free from his touch; slowly walking away. “I’m done,” Temari whispers, her voice breaking as she stood silently a few steps from him. _I don’t want this to end,_ her mind screams out, a hot sensation tugging at her heart as her eyes fluttered closed. _He deserves better. He deserves everything. I can’t offer him that.  
  
_ That was it. He was pissed. “I’m not done! You don’t get to decide this on your own, Princess Temari!” He calls out in a patronising manner, pain dripping from his voice as dark eyes narrowed. His dominant hand reaches forward instinctively, only to pull back as he witnessed her flinch at the sound of his voice. _What happened? Did something change? Did I do something?_ The thoughts rang through his mind chaotically as he stared longingly at the back of the woman he loved with all his heart. He was confident it was through no fault of his own, their current discourse aside. So why was the love of his life peeling open his chest and ripping out his heart? _I want answers! Fuck it, I deserve answers!  
  
_ He’d gone there. Using the title that she loathed with everything she was; Princess. She was royalty in name alone, her upbringing was anything but reflective of the privilege it implied. Was he trying to lure her into an argument of a different nature through one of his well-thought-out countermeasures? A trap if you will, to coerce the deeper reason out of her? On any other day, her answer would be yes, without a doubt. But given his current tone, it seemed more likely that it was simply said with little to no thought on the matter. It simply came from a place of suffering and confusion. She couldn’t blame him.  
  
“I can though,” Temari replies simply, swallowing hard as she fought to keep her emotions in check; “If you keep wanting to discuss children like the elders of both our families, then it’s over. You can’t pressure me into anything let alone this. I won’t stand for it.” It hurt to even state such a thing, to cast her dreams aside out of fear of the final result of such an endeavour. _Who am I to raise a child? I was raised with not an ounce of love for a majority of my life,_ her mind cries out, a hand reaching up to her head, rubbing her right temple gently as she attempted to subside her throbbing headache.  
  
Everything about the conversation was heart-wrenching, from the topic through to the ease of which she had said she was willing to leave him. “Calm down,” Shikamaru whispers as approaches her, arms wrapping around her torso from behind as his forehead presses up against the nape of her neck. It was plain as day that there was more to this, and the fact that she was unwilling to disclose it but would rather state such harsh things in its place was alarming. _This isn’t you,_ he notes silently, gaze drifting to the floor as his shoulders relaxed; _If you meant it, you would be trying to break away from me right now.  
  
_ Exhaling heavily, the strategist’s arms tighten under her bosom as he contemplated how to best proceed. He needed to reach her. “I’m not trying to pressure you. I don’t care if you want to have ten kids or no kids,” he explains, voice firm and unwavering despite the ache in his chest; “I just want you, and all the witty insults that come with loving you.” At this point, his love and heartfelt thoughts were all he could offer.  
  
 _This is playing dirty. Hearing that makes me want to break down,_ Temari’s mind cries out, cheeks flushing as she gazed down at his arms encircling her chest; _I don’t deserve you._ _You are too understanding._ Taking a deep breath, she slides her hands up and over his arms, heart-throbbing as she smiled tearfully. “No one in their right mind would have ten children,” she retorts as she attempts to calm the ache in her chest, relief washing over her. He was wearing down her defences slowly but surely; his weapon of choice, his love.  
  
“But tell me. Why don’t you want kids?” Shikamaru asks once more, eyes fluttering shut as he breathed a sigh of relief. Her playful counter to his statement, although unrelated to the comment he made overall, served to put him at ease when her gentle actions were also factored into the equation. While he knew that she loved him and had no intention of ending their relationship, it was a comfort for which he was grateful.  
  
“Because I don’t,” she fights back stubbornly, her teeth gritting as she fought to carefully select her words as she turned to face him. Determination printed across her tearstained cheeks like invisible warpaint. She could not let him crack her. Her pride was everything.  
  
His hands recoil as his lover turns to face him, her stormy eyes locking with his own fearlessly. “That’s not an explanation,” he states with a sigh as a hand brushes behind his neck, rubbing it absentmindedly. She was frustrating by default.  
  
“I don’t owe you one,” she replies stubbornly, lifting her chin a fraction as her chest tightened. He was determined to get an answer from her. She couldn’t blame him despite how irritating she found his persistence, after all, if the situation was reversed, she would likely do the same.  
  
Shikamaru frowns, his forehead creasing as he gazed back at her unsurely; “You know that you do. Don’t lie,” he retorts boldly, “I know you better than that.” Did he need to spell it out to her? It seemed so obvious where he was coming from, but perhaps that was all a matter of perspective. “I always pictured us having a family. Not because of those decrepit elders in Suna who nag us. Not because of the elders in my family who do the same. Just because I love you,” he explains, voice filled with exasperation. “I deserve to know the reason, because I’m prepared to forgo that future without hesitation,” he clarifies as he reaches forward, cupping both her face in the palms of both his hands.  
  
His words hit hard. The love he held for her was something she had always hoped she would receive. It was unlikely that anything she said would truly phase how he felt. It was that once in a lifetime love; pure and beyond all logic. “I know. I love you too. You know I do,” she responds gently, her wall crumbling down around her as she stood there silently; “I know I’m being selfish.”  
  
“Tem, I can tell you’re scared. Just talk to me,” he presses, hands slipping down the sides of her neck and across her shoulders, massaging them gently. _How can I help you if you don’t let me in?  
  
_ Taking a deep breath, she relaxes her shoulders, _I can’t refute anything he’s said. I owe it to him._ Her tongue traces across her dry lips as her gaze softens. “I always wanted a family with you,” she admits, arms plaiting under her bosom as she swallowed hard; anxiety coursing through her every movement. “I’m just terrified, okay? I’m not as strong as you make me out to be,” she half yells out, her defensive nature taking the reins, her beautiful face quivering with pent up emotions that ached to be unleashed.  
  
“The idea of not surviving birth like my mother is crippling. That combined with my fear of being a traumatising parent like my father is just too much!” Temari admits at long last, heart pounding as she desperately tried to repress the wave of emotions that hit her all at once. Painful memories of a not so distant past that she would’ve preferred to not relive and anger, so much unresolved anger. “I’d never wish it on anyone let alone my own baby. They should only know what a home filled with love and safety feels like. Not what I experienced, that breaks you,” she cries out, her voice cracking as she spoke; _I doubt he will understand. I’ll just come across as weak and idiotic.  
  
_ The handle had been turned, and the one part of her that she vowed to always keep out of his reach had been released. He had flung that door wide open, there was no going back.  
  
Shikamaru knew her well enough to know his wife didn’t want his sympathy; she wanted his honesty. That blunt honesty she had come to expect from him as her partner in life. “Look I get it, but you’re not your mother or your father,” he explains, hands rolling down to the sides of her arms and rubbing them thoughtfully in an attempt to calm her a little. A soft sympathetic smile slips across his lips as he tilts his head, “If you want my opinion, the fact that you worry so much about all these things for a baby that doesn’t even exist proves that you have the heart of an amazing mother.”  
  
“That’s the other thing. Our baby does exist,” she croaks, eyes welling with tears once more as calloused fingertips trace across her lower abdomen. “I don’t know how to do this. I don’t remember how it feels like to even have a mother let alone know how to be one,” she whispers, lips trembling as warmth trickles down the curves of her cheeks; her free hand stubbornly wiping away the tears as she tried to hold herself together.  
  
Would he regret knowing how she felt? Would he love her less? She wouldn’t blame him if he did. After all, who would want a woman with no sense of what it is to be a mother? _I didn’t want to open that door, damn it!_ Her mind cries out as she falls to her knees, hands pressing down on the cold floorboards as she squeezes her eyes shut; _I didn’t want you to ever see this side of me. This weak, pathetic shell of a woman who longs for her mother. I don’t want you to know me as a victim.  
  
_ Strong arms wrap around her shoulders, tugging her up to his chest. His body heat hits her like a tidal wave, engulfing her instantly as his head burrows into the nook of her neck. “Don’t say you’re done ever again. Not unless you mean it and even then, I refuse to accept it you troublesome woman,” he mutters, lips brushing against her skin as he struggles to calm his frazzled heart; _I don’t think I could handle losing you, my painfully domineering wife.  
  
_ Cold hands trace across her hand hovering over her lower abdomen as he presses his forehead up against his wife’s; simply grateful. “We will work it out together, I promise,” Shikamaru mutters softly, lashes fluttering upwards as he drew his face back from Temari’s, her flushed and emotionally distressed expression softening as he smiled at her. A hand slips up to her face, cupping her cheek. His thumb tracing across the apple of her cheek, drifting through damp tear trails as he leant forward, pressing his lips up against hers tenderly.  
  
Shoulders relaxing, Temari sinks into his kiss. The depth of his love was endless. She instantly couldn’t help but feel like a complete and utter fool for even questioning his ability to handle that one part of her she ached to keep from him. But perhaps it was best for the events to unfold as they had. If not for any other reason, than to have experienced this moment of complete and utter bliss alone. “I love you, crybaby,” she teases as his lips drawback from her own, a single finger poking into his cheek playfully as she smiled earnestly for the first time that day.  
  
Neither of them were perfect. But one thing was for certain, the tiny baby growing within her was going to be as close to perfect as people come.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this one-shot! I don’t even know what this story is, creative word vomit perhaps? I hope someone finds this mildly enjoyable. It was just a fun little writing exercise I gave myself and the timing worked perfectly for ShikaTema Week's last day.
> 
> As always thank you so much for your support and for taking the time to read my content. It means so much to me. If you enjoyed it, please be sure to leave a review as I’d love to hear your thoughts.
> 
> I have a few other ShikaTema & Naruto stories up on my account (with more to come). You can [click here](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/Naruto_Collection) to check them out if you're hungry for more content about this amazing ship. 
> 
> If you want to chat you can find me over on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ImpureDumpling).


End file.
